Soul Sisters

Usually when I go on a trip, I post highlights on Facebook on a regular basis while I’m gone. Upon my return following one of my most recent trips, a friend texted me right after I landed at home to ask if I was okay. The reason? I had posted hardly anything on Facebook. Another friend asked me the same thing for the same reason. That’s when it hit me: I was so involved in living in the moment that I neglected to share that living on social media. That’s not the only thing that was different for me regarding this trip. Typically when I come home from visiting friends, particularly my West Point classmates, I am absolutely miserable for the first couple days. I basically put on my cranky pants the first morning I go back to work and don’t take them off until the following weekend. But after this trip? I returned home feeling happier and more content than I have in ages, and my cranky pants stayed in the dresser.

A few weeks ago, I had the honor and the privilege of attending Athena’s Arena, a conference held at the United States Military Academy to celebrate 40 years of women at West Point. My class wasn’t very well represented compared to some others, but those who were there are all very dear to my heart. It marked only the second time I have returned to my Alma Mater since graduation day on May 29, 1999. The first time was my 15th Class Reunion in October 2014. Returning to my Rockbound Highland Home (an affectionate term for West Point used primarily by its graduates) is bittersweet; although it is on one hand the scene of one of my greatest achievements, it is also the place that marks the beginning of one of my greatest failures. I got married on graduation day to one of my classmates in front of a beautiful fountain behind one of the buildings at West Point. It was a spot I carefully avoided during my reunion, but one I sought out during the conference. I figured that with my friends there, I could stand in that same spot where I’d said my vows, face my past, and finally put it to bed. Don’t get me wrong; there are no lingering feelings for my ex-husband whatsoever, but there is still a tremendous feeling of shame and embarrassment that my marriage failed. My rational mind understands that we grew apart, but there is a voice that tells me the marriage failed because I wasn’t good enough. The fact that this weekend not only marks 17 years since graduation day, but also what would have been my 17th wedding anniversary makes it all the more difficult to separate my greatest achievement from my greatest failure. But, as I tend to do, I digress…….

After a lovely and humbling memorial service at the Cadet Chapel for the women we have lost, my friends and I walked to the Herbert Alumni Center, reminiscing and laughing the entire way there. We went inside and quickly determined that the line to the open bar was shorter than the line to pick up our registration packets. Then one of us noticed that there was a tent set up outside with another bar and no line at all (that might have been me. I was thirsty). The tent, of course, was set up directly behind the fountain. I walked up to it alone initially, and just stood there, remembering. I thought about my family and friends who were there that day so long ago, and in particular my Grandmom, who passed away in 2002. My Dad told me just a couple years ago that she told him my graduation was one of the proudest moments of her entire life. I honestly had no idea, and it humbles me. She became a registered nurse in her 40’s after raising five children; she is one of my greatest heroes. But there I go, digressing again……tears falling. My friends came up to me while I stood there, hugged me, and supported me. None of the ones who came up had been there that day, nor were we close at school, but none of that mattered. A few minutes later, my close friend who was actually in my wedding came up and hugged me, and we took a photo in that infamous spot. I cannot tell you how very much it meant to me to have my friends there to support me and to dry my tears. My sisters.

I realized something while at West Point that I think I already knew, and that is that the absolute closest friends I have in this world are my West Point Women classmates. They are a special breed, and even though many of us were not friends while at school, we have since become close with little to no effort whatsoever. Those of us who were close at school have only gotten closer. We share something that is almost unexplainable to those outside our circle. We celebrate each other’s successes, cheer each other’s lives, and pray when someone faces adversity. Let me give you an example.

Back in early March, a dear friend and classmate revealed that she was in a fight for her life against stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This woman is a superhero. She has done Ironman triathlons, marathons, CrossFit, you name it, she’s conquered it. She is a living, breathing, Wonder Woman. On top of that, she’s ridiculously smart, has a great sense of humor, and a great big giant heart of gold. Immediately after she told us the news, classmates, other graduates, friends, and family rallied around her and began praying. She was already planning to go to the conference, and, cancer be damned, she traveled almost 5,000 miles to do so. She brought her sister with her, yet another strong woman with a heart of gold (more on strong women who aren’t West Pointers in a minute). Celebrating 40 years of women at West Point with her, my classmates, and other West Point Women was, for me, a life changing experience. The sheer power of it all was simply incredible. We all laughed so much that my sides still hurt. It was sheer, unadulterated, unbridled joy. To paraphrase one of the first female Rangers in a speech given on the last day of the conference, we were surrounded by women who were just like us. It was liberating, and it made me realize that I spend far too much time focusing on the bad stuff and lamenting days gone by. My cranky pants didn’t come on when I came home after this trip because I chose to focus on the positive, and it changed my whole world. Hell, I’m smiling as I type this! But wait, there’s more……..

Just a couple weeks after the conference, I joined my West Point sisters in Hawaii for a planned visit to hang out with our friend and bring our positivity to her, on her turf. Also there to support her were her family and friends on island, her coworkers, other West Point classmates, other West Point graduates, and my classmates’ families. Together, we formed her ‘ohana, and it was an incredible sight to behold. The positive energy, strength, and, most of all, love, was extraordinary and palpable. It is because of her sweet soul and fierce spirit that we came together this way, and I think God knows that with this ‘ohana supporting her, nothing can stop her. She looked even better than she had in New York, and you know what? All those positive vibes, prayers, and good juju are working. Without going into too much detail, I will tell you that her tumor markers are on a downward trend and she is feeling better. Her oncologist is baffled, and we are ecstatic. Please continue to pray for her, as her fight is not over yet. Thank you.

That weekend was also a life-changing, soul-filling experience. Not only was my friend in good spirits, but my two very best friends, who have been so for the past 22 years, were also there. We hadn’t been together like that since 2012. We laughed so hard and so long that I am still smiling thinking about it. And it was there, in beautiful Hawaii, while swimming in the Pacific and watching a beautiful sea turtle swim only meters away from me, that I realized it: these women, not only my best friends but also my West Point Women classmates, are my soul sisters. I am an only child, so I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings, but I would like to think that it is like what I felt in my heart in Hawaii. Do we always get along? No. Do we always agree or even like each other? No, we don’t. But it only makes us stronger. Because we forgive each other our faults, we praise our victories, we draw from each other’s strengths. No matter what may be happening in our lives, good, bad, ugly, my sisters are there. I know in my heart and in my soul that if I picked up the phone right now and asked almost any one of them to show up, to be here, to help me, she would be. She might not be able to be here in person, but I would be able to feel her spirit. I would know that my tears are her tears, that my joy is her joy, and that our laughter is shared. I cannot express properly in words what it means to me to face the next half of my life knowing these women are beside me. And, as promised, I must qualify this with the fact that I took a look at the other close women friends I have in my life and I realized something: they, too, could be West Point Women. They share the same characteristics, the same strength, the same grit, the same heart. We may not share the uncommon experience that is West Point, but their character, their SOUL, is recognized by my own. They are also my sisters.
You know who you are.

Thank you, ladies, for being you. I can’t believe it took me so long to find you.

I leave you with this:

“A circle of women may be the most powerful force known to humanity. If you have one, embrace it. If you need one, seek it. If you find one, for the love of all that is good and holy, dive in. Hold on. Love it up. Get naked. Let them see you. Let them hold you. Let your reluctant tears fall. Let yourself rise fierce and love gentle. YOU WILL BE CHANGED. The very fabric of your being will be altered by this, if you allow it. Please, please allow it.”  ~  Jeanette LeBlanc