One Person’s Junk

Before I begin I should say that I’m not talking about the kind of junk I’m prone to talking about, or the kind that’s in my trunk, I’m talking about that stuff in your house that you actually CAN live without. That being said, a couple months ago, I started thinking that maybe I needed to have a garage sale. I’m trying to downsize the amount of stuff I have, plus I always need money (that’s a future post…….the root of all evil that nobody likes talking about unless they have a lot of it), so it seemed like a fantastic idea. Every time we moved when I was a kid, we had a garage sale, so it didn’t seem like something that would be difficult to put together. I kept simply thinking about it and not actually acting on anything when I received my monthly neighborhood bulletin in the mail. Lo and behold, there was a neighborhood wide garage sale scheduled for Saturday, April 2nd from 8am to 1pm! Perfect! I wouldn’t have to put up my own signs, and there would already be traffic in the neighborhood. I had about three weeks to prepare, so the first thing I did was go online and read tips on garage sales (because I’m actually a giant nerd). I learned that I shouldn’t have a cash box, as someone could walk away with it, that I shouldn’t put things on the ground because people don’t like bending over to look at stuff, and that I shouldn’t put out anything that’s dirty (duh). One of the recommendations was to go buy one of those canvas project belts from Lowe’s or Home Depot, so that’s what I did. I found this to be the most exciting part of preparing, and it only cost me 98 cents! I told you I’m a nerd. Anyway, it had two pockets, so I used one for paper money and one for coins (this resulted in me walking slightly stilted that whole morning due to the heavy change on one side of my body). I spent time walking through each room of my home, gathering up stuff, asking if it made me happy (thanks, Marie Kondo), and tried desperately not to spend too much time reminiscing (I am a big sucker for nostalgia). Because I take donations to Goodwill about every other month, I actually didn’t have that much stuff to sell, which was a surprise. Well, that and I have a hard time letting go of sentimental items, but again, that’s a whole other blog post. I made sure to advertise the garage sale on Craig’s List to attract more people, and listed a bunch of stuff I didn’t end up having because people flaked on me when I asked if they wanted to sell anything. Anyway, I gathered everything together, and before you knew it, it was the night before the big day.

I borrowed a couple tables from a great friend (I only have one table……I have more than one great friend, thankfully), and spent the night before painstakingly placing price stickers on each and every item. I even purchased a garment rack to hang clothes on, because I determined that I didn’t have anywhere to hang a clothesline (it was only $19 on Amazon, and it can double as a pull-up bar for……um…..mice or something). As I know that there are people who show up 30 – 45 minutes earlier than the published time, I prepared to be outside, bringing things out, no later than 7AM. I was hoping to have at least one friend there to keep me company, but I apparently don’t have many friends around here willing to spend a Saturday morning with me in my driveway. I was ready by about 7:25 the next morning, and guess what? No one, and I mean NO ONE, showed up until after 9. There were lots of people by themselves, who barely acknowledged me when I said “Good morning!” These solo folks definitely seemed to be on a mission. They would take a walk around and look at everything, then make their way back to their vehicle. Clearly I didn’t have what they were looking for. I expected more women, but there were actually a lot more men. It started to pick up a bit around 10:30 – 11, and I ended up selling quite a few little things to the kids next door. Their parents came over with them at first, then the little girls came back with a tin box that contained what I can only assume was their allowance. They bought some stuffed animals and a lunch bag that I’d never used. They were definitely my most favorite customers, because they were sweet, polite, and just so stinking cute. But I’m digressing, again, as I always seem to do…….

There were quite a few slow drive-bys, which were kind of creepy. Then there was the man who walked up and asked, “Do you have any broken earrings?” When I said no, he then asked, “Do you have any broken watches?” When I replied, “No, I usually throw them away,” his response was “NO!!!!!” He seemed genuinely angry, but thankfully he left only after giving me a very disapproving look. Now I’m to the point where I need to explain my set-up: I put the three tables in a U-shape, with the bottom of the U in front of my open garage door (I have two doors, not one big one). I sat behind that table, with my back to my garage. I set things up purposely so that people would understand that my garage was off-limits, but you know what? That didn’t stop people from trying to get into it. Not only that, but a woman dug through a bag I had next to me with grocery bags in it; the bags were for people’s purchases. During this particular visit, my garment rack fell over, three times. She told me, six times, to put it in the garage. It was not a suggestion. If I may say, she was an older Asian woman, and perhaps she sensed my Asian blood and just assumed I would oblige. However, my rebellious Caucasian side simply smiled at her as I moved the garment rack up against the center column between the two garage doors. I waited until she left before I grabbed two 15 pound dumbbells to hold the base of the garment rack down and prevent any future falls. Improvise, adapt, and overcome. And yes, someone asked me if the dumbbells were for sale. I also had a man who had three family members with him and two more who stayed in the van. He desperately wanted to talk to me about the latest Star Wars movie (my text tone is Chewbacca’s growl, which he heard. It’s like an invitation to fellow Star Wars fans, and hilarious in a crowded, silent elevator). He asked me if my bike was for sale. Then asked if my other bike was for sale. Or any of my weights. Or the fridge. And yes, all of this was behind me, in the garage. Even after I told him that nothing actually IN the garage was for sale at my garage sale, he continued to peer behind me looking for that one item I’d be willing to sell. Considering how much the rest of his family was willing to give me for the stuff they bought, there was literally not one thing behind me that I was willing to sell to him, and that includes the boxes of trash bags, generic dryer sheets from Costco, and old cans of paint. I also forgot to mention that I had a small foldable step stool underneath the table where I was sitting that I used to put my feet up on. I was asked if that was for sale while my feet were on it. There were also two older white men who held up at least five different things, each $5 or over, and for each one, they offered either one dollar or 50 cents. And I’m not gonna lie to you all, I took it. At that point (it was about 12:30) all I wanted to do was be done. My back hurt, I was cranky, and quite literally none of the things I thought would sell right away sold at all (I secretly took offense to some of my stuff being overlooked……it’s almost as though it’s a knock on my taste). Of course, a bunch of people walked up right at 1, when the sale was over. I already had a plan to back my truck up into my driveway, throw everything that didn’t sell into it, and drive directly to the Goodwill donation center less than three miles away. Once the last people left at 1:10, that’s exactly what I did.

Would I do it again? Eh, maybe, but I’ll definitely never do it again without a buddy. It was simply too boring and too depressing. I mean, seriously, all the hilarious comments I made in my head mocking people went unheard. How sad it that?????? Now, what should I spend that hard-earned $130 on……….